Your Unhealed Sh*t Is Wrecking Your Relationships

Inspired by Dr. Thema’s quote: “Heal so that you can hear what is being said without the filter of your wounds.”

I almost ruined a friendship over silence.

It started with a short reply — a text from one of my closest friends. The message felt clipped. Cold. Off.

I reread it, searching for tone… trying to figure out what I did wrong.

And then came the silence. Two full days of nothing.
No follow-up. No check-in. Just stillness.

And in that stillness, my brain filled in every blank with fear.

She’s mad at me.
She’s pulling away.
I must’ve overshared again. Or been too much. Or said the wrong thing.
She’s done.

My chest tightened. I pulled back emotionally. Replayed every recent conversation like I was on trial. Convinced myself she had lost interest in the friendship — and I should have seen it coming.

But then I texted her. Just to ask.

“Hey… just checking in. Are we good?”

Her reply came instantly:

“Oh no!! I’m so sorry! Life’s been insane this week — I didn’t even realize I hadn’t texted back. I love you. I’m here.”

That was the moment I realized:

I wasn’t being ghosted.
I was being triggered.

Your Brain on Unhealed Pain

There’s a name for this. It’s called “emotional filtering” — and it’s something psychology researchers have been studying for years. It happens when you interpret neutral or even positive events through a negative lens shaped by past experiences.

According to an article published by Psychology Today, emotional filtering is especially common in people with trauma histories or attachment wounds. Instead of seeing a situation for what it is, you see it through the lens of what you’ve been through.

“Our brains are wired for survival, not happiness,” explains Dr. Melanie Greenberg, a clinical psychologist and expert in emotion regulation. “We look for danger — even when it isn’t there.”
(Source: Psychology Today – Emotional Filters)

So that “cold” message? That silence?

It wasn’t about her.
It was about me — and everything I hadn’t yet healed.

If You’ve Done This Too, You’re Not Broken — You’re Hurt

This is what trauma does. It turns small moments into loud triggers. It whispers worst-case scenarios in your ear and makes them feel real. It turns pauses into rejection and space into abandonment.

And it can sabotage your peace, your relationships, and your ability to feel safe — even with people who are safe.

But here’s the good news: You can rewire that response. You can heal it.

So What Can You Do When the Wounds Take Over?

1. Interrupt the Story

Before you let your mind run wild, stop and ask:

“What do I know vs. what am I assuming?”
Get clear about facts vs. fear.

2. Speak the Vulnerable Truth

Say the hard thing. Ask the awkward question.

“Hey, I know this might sound silly, but I felt a little anxious when I didn’t hear back. Are we okay?”

That one question can save you from weeks of imaginary pain.

3. Name the Real Root

“What is this actually reminding me of?”
Was it your mom’s silence when she was mad?
An ex who disappeared without warning?
That one friend who ghosted you without explanation?

Find the thread — and you’ll find the wound.

4. Let the Emotion Move Through

Journal. Walk. Cry. Talk to a coach or therapist. Do something with the energy so it doesn’t build into resentment or shame.

5. Commit to Healing — On Purpose

Healing doesn’t just “happen” with time. It takes work, intention, support, and tools. That’s what The Me Verdict is here for.

You’re Not Overreacting. You’re Overprotecting.

Your nervous system is trying to keep you safe.
But that protection? It’s outdated.

The truth is: You’re not in danger anymore.
But until you start healing, your body and brain might not know that.

Have you ever almost ended a relationship because you misread the silence?
You’re not alone — and your honesty could be someone else’s breakthrough.

#TheMeVerdict #HealingWork #TriggeredNotBroken #PsychologyToday #EmotionalFiltering #RelationshipHealing #YouDeservePeace #WomenWhoFeelDeeply #AttachmentWounds #HealingJourney